Like a city that is broken into and without walls is a man who has no control over his spirit.

                                                                                                           Proverbs 25:28 

Today: Read Proverbs 25

When we talk about self-control, we often focus on things like lust, greed, eating, drinking, and gossiping. All of these things require self-control in order to prevent them from becoming masters over our lives. But I believe that one of the most common challenges to self-control comes in the form of a common emotion all of us have dealt with from time to time: frustration. Perhaps it’s because I am currently struggling with this emotional phenomenon that I bring it up, but I believe this is one of the areas of life not talked about enough in the church. We are often led to believe that if we feel frustration, we are not being good, Christian people (that in itself causes me frustration). I do not believe it is healthy or beneficial for believers to tuck these emotions deep down inside in an attempt to appear that we are people of self-control. If you have ever done this before then you are probably aware of what it feels like to be calm on the outside while have a raging tempest of emotions on the inside. This is what I call the “volcano effect” and when left unchecked, it will ultimately end in an eruption of irresponsible words or actions that leave a trail of damage in the lives of those around us.

So how should Christians arrive at a place of self-control even in the midst of great frustration. First, we need to understand the root cause of this emotion. Frustration can be defined as being upset or annoyed because of the inability to change or achieve something. We can be frustrated with ourselves or with others, but it is almost always centered in an inability to change something or someone.

Secondly, we need to constructively deal with frustration, and as believers in Jesus, we have some mighty weapons at our disposal. Consider these two verses as we outline a plan:

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

                                                                                         Galatians 5:22-23

For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline.

                                                                                                   2 Timothy 1:7 

(1) Always Depend On God’s Spirit For Strength

The fruit of God’s presence in the life of an individual is self-control. Paul is not telling us that in order to be a good Christian, we need to muster up some self-control. This is something that we do not possess in ourselves. When we get frustrated in the flesh, it usually doesn’t turn out very well. That is why we need to depend, trust, and rely on God to give us a spirit of self-control in those times when we feel like exploding. And how do we accomplish that? We draw on God’s strength through prayer. When was the last time you ask God to give you self-control? The word itself conjures up images of our achieving this on our own (as in self-control). But Paul says that self-control is a fruit of the Spirit meaning that we are in control of ourselves when we are being led by God’s Spirit. Depend on God for self-control!

(2) Operate In The Power That You Have In Christ

Self-control doesn’t mean shying away from standing up for the truth of the gospel. Reread the verse from 2 Timothy. God has not given us a spirit of timidity, meaning fear. When we are frustrated with someone else, failing to speak openly and honestly with that person is not biblical self-control. We may need to pray for discernment on the timing in speaking with them, but failing to address “the elephant in the room” is not self-control. That is called timidity and it is not how a believer is to operate. As believers, we are to operate in the power of the Holy Spirit. This power literally means ability. When we stand up for the truth of the gospel, we need never be ashamed. Our efforts in spiritually assisting others may be met with fierce opposition, but we should never feel guilty for operating in the truth that is Jesus Christ!

(3) Find Creative Ways To Love Others

Part of self-control is the ability to love others even when they have given us no tangible reason to do so. The next time you feel frustrated with someone, I challenge you to find a way to show that person the love of Christ. Love is the fulfillment of God’s Law (Romans 13:10). Love is how we demonstrate that we are authentic in our knowledge of God (1 John 4:7-11). And we really cannot accomplish anything of lasting value without love (1 Corinthians 13:1-3). Frustration usually sends us in the opposite direction from love. But, as Christians, we need to resist the urge either to isolate ourselves or lash out in anger (something in which we can all relate). As we depend on the power of God’s Spirit and operate in the truth of God’s word, let’s find creative ways in which to love others, especially those with whom we are extremely frustrated!

(4) Keep A Sound Mind

Finally, we need to be clear thinkers. Paul tells Timothy that God has given us a spirit of discipline. This word is often translated “sound mind” and it literally means “sanity.” Frustration is an emotion and just like all of the other emotions, when it takes over a person, soundness of mind is one of the first things to go. Usually, when emotions are high, our brains cease to function rationally and our tongues step into high gear. As our emotional level decreases and begins to level out, our brains can then begin to function rationally again. Often this is when we begin to “eat crow” as we apologize for our words and behavior that originated out of our frustration. This is the reason why we waste our time trying to “reason” with an emotionally charged person. We must first bring the emotions down to an acceptable level then rational thought can be exchanged. If we are going to win the battle against frustration, we must operate in and keep a sound mind!

We should never back off of the truth of the gospel, but as we deal with others, let’s operate in a spirit of self-control!