Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.

                                                                                                                   Ephesians 5:33 

It is quite interesting that the Bible affirms what we already know about husbands and wives. Ask a man the number one thing that they need from their wife and you will more than likely hear a singular response, “respect.” Likewise, ask a wife what she needs from her husband and more than likely you will hear, “love and security.” This is not to say that the husband doesn’t respect his wife or the wife doesn’t love her husband, it merely indicates the way in which we are designed.

As the culture continues to kick against anything that is of God (most issues can be boiled down to spiritual warfare), marriage continues to be a voluntary, lifelong, covenant relationship between a man and a woman. In this covenant, each party pledges their loyalty, love, and fidelity to the other. As a matter of practice, Paul instructs us to keep in mind the needs of the other and that begins with love and respect. The wife’s respect for the husband comes from an understanding that God has designed him to be the spiritual leader of the family. The husband’s love for the wife is to equal that of Christ to the church meaning that the husband should be willing to sacrifice himself for the sake of his wife. God’s plan for marriage is perfect and if both parties will continue to operate within His design, a meaningful, intimate, joyful relationship can emerge. But if one or both parties stray from the covenant, there are no guarantees for the success of the marriage.

But the image of marriage represents a tremendous theological truth as well. Paul describes the relationship between Christ and the church in marital terms. Christ is portrayed as the groom while the church represents the bride. Just as a groom voluntarily stands at the altar and takes a covenant oath of loyalty, love, and fidelity, so God voluntarily enters into the new covenant with mankind through Jesus the Son. God didn’t have to pledge us His love and redemption, He wasn’t coerced and he certainly wasn’t obligated, like a groom, He did so voluntarily. Likewise, we enter into this covenant relationship apart from coercion or objection. This arrangement, like marriage, is not a contract but a covenant. This means that God has established His covenant through Jesus and all who call on His name will be saved (Romans 10:13). Also, like marriage, this covenant agreement is not conditional and is not in any way dependant on our moral performance.

I find it interesting that some who would embrace the reality of the covenant of marriage fail to see the parallels in the new covenant. A groom pledges his loyalty, love, and fidelity apart from any promise on the part of the bride. Yes, the bride pledges her love in return but the mutual agreement is a covenant meaning that each pledges their devotion wholly apart from any performance or lack of on the part of the other. The groom receives the bride without any conditions or demands. If the two were to make demands of one another as a matter of condition, then the arrangement would be a contract not a covenant.

This is where marriage and the new covenant differ from one another. Marriage is entirely between a fallen man and fallen woman. In other words, even as believers, we enter marriage as imperfect people. Under the new covenant, God, initiated the promise of salvation by sending Christ for all who would believe. Mankind however, remains imperfect. As believers, we pledge our love and allegiance to Christ however, as in marriage, we do not always live up to our pledge. But just as a groom doesn’t dismiss his wife for her failings and limitations (nor does a wife her husband), Christ does not dismiss us over our failings either. So unlike mankind, God is always faithful even when we are not. This is the beauty of Paul comparing marriage to the covenant God has made with the church through His Son Jesus Christ.

Husbands love your wives as Christ loves the church! Wives respect your husbands for the spiritual leader that God has designed him to be! In addition, when dealing with one another, remember the faithfulness of God to us through the cross of Jesus Christ!