For every species of beasts and birds, of reptiles and creatures of the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by the human race. But no one can tame the tongue; it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the likeness of God; from the same mouth come both blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be this way.

                                                                                                                     James 3:7-10 

The Bible validates something that all of us know from experience in living. Mankind has learned how to control enormous aircraft and safely fly anywhere in the world, we know how to direct massive ships across vast oceans, and we have tamed every creature known to man, but we still cannot seem to figure out a way to control and direct that little muscle inside our mouths known as the tongue. It is a marvelous piece of creation in that it allows us the ability to taste delicious food and effectively communicate using language, but it also has a destructive side as well. Scripture refers to the tongue as “a restless evil, full of deadly poison.”

I believe one of the most scathing indictments for the church today comes in today’s passage. With our mouths we bless and praise God then, from the same mouth, curse our fellow man. The passage reminds us that everyone has been made in the image of God and that simple fact alone gives us reason to cease the cursing of others. “Blessing and cursing coming out of the same mouth, these things ought not to be this way.” You could imply from the passage that the way we treat and speak to others has much to say about what we believe and what we have experienced with God.

But we do seem to have a self-control issue when it comes to our tongues. Scripture even reminds us that, “no one can tame the tongue.” Imagine that you go over to your neighbor’s house with a baseball bat. You begin destroying his car, busting the headlights, smashing the windshield, and putting as many dints in the doors as possible. After your physical tirade is over, you calmly walk up to your neighbor’s door, hand him the bat, and apologize for your outburst. Certainly the apology is in order but the reality is that the damage is already done. This is the way it is with words. Speaking is not like fishing, we can’t just reel the words back in once they are cast out into the open airwaves. Once they are put there, they can’t be taken back. So is there some instruction that can assist us with this monumental task of guarding our mouths? Paul addresses this in the following passage:

Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear. 

                                                                                                           Ephesians 4:29 

The word “unwholesome” isn’t referring to foul language (although that’s not appropriate for believers either). This word means “rotten, putrid, and worthless.” Paul is referring to language of the destructive nature rather than words that are constructive. It is easier to tear people down than it is to build them up and anyone can participate in destructive speech. But it takes wisdom, patience, and sometimes skill to select words that are affirming rather than hurtful. Paul instructs us to throw out unwholesome speech and replace it with edifying words. Edification is a fancy word that simply means, “to build up.” When you speak edifying words, those around you are blessed and the words actually serve a purpose. Paul says that the words we use should “give grace to those who hear.” This is the task set before every born again believer in Jesus Christ: to avoid destructive language and to use grace-filled, edifying speech.

As we all know, when emotions are on the rise, two things tend to happen. The first is that the brain seems to shut down and secondly, the mouth ramps up. Those who are gifted in the handling of “difficult” people know that the first key to communication and resolving conflict is to deescalate the situation by allowing time for the emotions to come back down to a normal level. When this happens, the brain begins to process again and the tongue is brought back under control. Our challenge is to exercise this self-control of our tongues and to measure out the things we say in light of eternity. May God give us all the wisdom to be “graceful” speakers!